A story of forgiveness, by Bryan Launer

After a season of counseling with us, one counselee reflects, “I was able to make a lot of growth in forgiving people who have hurt me in the past.”

Forgiveness is hard. This small glimpse into one counselee’s experience is really a miracle. Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally; it is a fruit of the Spirit’s work. In this, we can rejoice because when forgiveness seems impossible through our own efforts, we can rest in Jesus’ ability to accomplish it in us.

Perhaps you’ve been sinned against, and you’re having difficulty letting go. Or maybe you’re walking alongside a friend or family member who struggles with bitterness and unforgiveness towards others. What do we do with this pain? We know we can bring our hurts and laments to the Father like David in Psalm 55, an important step in forgiveness. If we do not acknowledge a pain caused or a wrong done, how do we know we need to forgive?

Lamenting may take a few days, hours, or even years at times. However, we cannot stay on that step alone. We also want to forgive others because we’ve been forgiven of much. We don’t want to be like the unforgiving servant in Jesus’s parable in Matthew 18.

At HCS, one of our core values is recognizing that all humans are created by God as his image bearers. As creatures, all of us have weaknesses and limitations. We all wish we could change like our phones update an app. However, this process of change and sanctification is often slow; we are planting seeds and asking the Lord to provide the growth.  Even forgiveness is a process, and rarely a linear one. Therefore, if forgiveness is a challenge for you today (like it is for us), consider one of the following steps to engage with our Father today:

• Lament like David: Sharing hurts and challenges with the Lord becomes a pathway to relational intimacy and trust with God, and ultimately helps us to forgive.
• Ask God for help: This counselee’s testimony is the fruit of the Lord’s work. If even an earthly father gives good gifts, how much more will our heavenly Father give the gift of his own Spirit to help you, even in your weakness?
• Act: What’s one small, manageable step of attitudinal forgiveness you can live out today? How can you pray for this person? How can you demonstrate unmerited favor, even in a small way?
• Remember the forgiveness you’ve received: Jesus forgives all who come to him and receive his love and mercy. Come to him even in your unforgiveness. Ask him to remind you of his gentle, yet abundant and powerful mercies. He has already accomplished the work of forgiveness on the cross. Run to him and rest in Christ’s work for you today.

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Hungry for more? Here are a few of our favorite resources on forgiveness:

– Tim Keller’s “Serving Each Other Through Forgiveness and Reconciliation“. One counselor says that this free article is the resource he gives the most in his counseling. Keller begins with our forgiveness in Christ, followed by wisely practical steps towards forgiving others. His description of multiple stages in a conversation about forgiveness is very helpful.
– New CIty Church’s sermon on Matthew 18:20–21. We particularly appreciate this pastor’s sensitivity to the difficulty of forgiveness. What is one small step that you can take today?
– Brad Hambrick’s Making Sense of Forgiveness: Moving from Hurt toward Hope. This newer book is an excellent resource. He does a great job describing a progression of trust and restoration after forgiveness has taken place

We hope this story encourages you in hope and reminds you of Jesus’ presence and kindness in this season. Thank you for following along!